By Kilian Voulez-Vous Coucher Avec Moi

Christina Aguilera performing the song. Photo source: buzzfeed.com

Christina Aguilera performing the song. Photo source: buzzfeed.com

Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?” Do you want to sleep with me tonight? It’s a question that Labelle made famous in the 1970s, and I merely have to hear the words for the famous “Lady Marmalade” classic to start ringing in my head. As the Music Times article linked there explains, the song was inspired by the experiences of songwriter, Bob Crewe, in the red-light district of New Orleans “and the aggressive stance of prostitutes in the area.” His lyrics growled their demand through a mix of disco, R&B, and funk, and the latent sexuality at their heart was rendered overtly raunchy in subsequent musical covers.

Source: Pinterest

Source: Pinterest

Voulez-Vous Coucher Avec Moi, the fragrance, is nothing like the world of Lady Marmalade, and the sheer enormity of the chasm between them made me laugh each time I wore it. Put aside all thoughts of lust, skanky raunch, and ripe, fleshy seduction. Envision instead bridal femininity, floral sweetness, and a fresh, dewy delicacy that practically verges on the innocent.

Yes, I think Kilian’s version of Voulez-Vous Coucher Avec Moi is that much of an olfactory departure from everything implied by its name. But it’s a very lovely scent nonetheless. If it does seduce you, it’s through the refinement of a bridal bouquet where fresh white flowers are laced with greenness, then veiled with the silkiest vanilla cream. So rather than asking you to sleep with it in New Orleans’ red-light district or the Moulin Rouge, I think the real question that Voulez-Vous poses is whether you’ll marry it.

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Amouage Sunshine Man

Imagine yourself immersed in a field of lavender that stretches out for miles like an aromatic, herbal, and medicinal sea of purple. A nearby citrus orchard adds a neon Pop Art explosion of colour from saccharine-coated fruits that strongly resemble pink Pez candy. The landscape is dotted by green clumps of herbs that smell like thyme and rosemary, and lies at the base of snow-tipped Alpine mountains blanketed with juniper trees hanging heavy with ripe berries. Their strong scent is redolent of gin and, later on, a fiery, green eau de vie liqueur. A brisk, chilly wind takes their scent, mingles it with the pink, powdery, candied Pez, and casts it like a thick blanket over the fields of purple.

Source: ifunny.co

Source: ifunny.co

A short distance away, something dark and brooding makes its way forward, a rushing river made thick and heavy with treacly, smoky licorice. It slashes through the lavender like a knife, oozing blackness amidst the neon colours. The wound is eventually healed by silky vanilla crème anglaise that rises from the base to act as a bridge and mediator, bringing the two parts together in a swirl of aromatics, smoke, and cream, before ending up as simple sweetness smudged with smoke. This is the story of Sunshine Man, the newest fragrance from Amouage.

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LM Parfums Malefic Tattoo

Malefic Tattoo is the latest release from LM Parfums, and a scent that is meant to evoke the darkness of a tattoo with “wicked” notes that “manipulate the emotions, desire, and lust” within the “dark chamber fulfilled with passion” that lies within each of us. Laurent Mazzone generously sent me a bottle, but I’m afraid my reaction was not the lustful passion which was intended. I have great affection for Mr. Mazzone, so I’ve sat on my review for weeks, using free moments to see if I could warm up to Malefic Tattoo, but nothing has changed. I find it not only disappointing, but mediocre, a tired derivative retread devoid of any distinctiveness, and cheap in feel.

Photo: my own.

Photo: my own.

Source: Neos911 Facebook page.

Source: Neos911 Facebook page.

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L’Artisan Parfumeur Noir Exquis

Source: seb.fr

Source: seb.fr

A visit to a French patisserie that turns into a smoky, woody oriental vanilla — that’s the gist of Noir Exquis, the latest fragrance from Bertrand Duchaufour and L’Artisan Parfumeur. Large dollops of whipped pastry cream are squirted atop dark vanilla that is layered with candied chestnuts (marrons glacés), smokiness, and a profoundly tobacco-like note, all above a smoky sandalwood base. It’s actually quite nice at times (and less sweet than you might think), but it’s a fragrance that requires a little patience and some augmented quantities in order to see the traits that lie beyond an initial Tobacco Vanille vibe.

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